Here’s a picture of my house being renovated as of today. I was encouraged a few weeks ago when I saw the insulation (or whatever that is) being placed on the siding, but apparently, nothing has changed for a few weeks even though this step was done after the holidays. Hopefully I’ll get an update soon, but frustratingly the contractor’s new insurance carrier doesn’t allow me on the premises of my OWN house at this juncture for liability reasons. I’m not even bothering to challenge this as the house is close to being done structurally and supposedly it’s ready for a roof inspection. I’m torn between feeling helpless and giddy with excitement about moving back within a few months. Saturday is the one-year anniversary of the fire.

I hold my survivor dog Snoopy and my new dog Bonnie extra tight, especially because she reminds me so much of the blind dogs I lost that day, but I miss the presence, warmth, and personalities of Pancho, Cappy, Polar, Snowball, and Matty so much since I didn’t get to say goodbye to them and I lost them before their time.

I am very triggered by the footage of my hometown Los Angeles (yes, I was born there). The nightmares continue, even sometimes when I take a nap, but I see the pictures of my lost dogs every day on my screensaver, whether that’s wise for me to do or not. I have video footage of them too, but it wasn’t enough in hindsight.