So on a daily basis since I first got online at the very beginning of what we now know as the internet and came out, men have contacted me without a face, even though it’s almost impossible not to have a digital image of yourself these days. I usually tear them a new one and go ballistic, and have been criticized for it, but my logic is: I’m never going to meet these people who are that closeted anyway for innumerable reasons, nor is there any chance I’d run into them at any gay venue where they’d have to show their face without adorning a bag over it, and they were de facto rude to me first, so I have nothing to lose by trying to teach them a lesson that their neglectful parents didn’t teach them about common courtesy.

Once in a great while, one of them will understand my humor and come around to realize that they are completely rude and should atone for their contacting me under those shady circumstances, but I won’t hold my breath for anyone who took the time to post a faceless profile and seek me out.

A few days ago I was asked for my email address so that one of these headless torsos could send me his picture. I had started off with my usual, “if your face is too fucking ugly to post and you’re too dumb to even post a private picture that you choose to unlock for me, you are not worth it,” but he was insistent that he could email his face to me (behind his wife’s back, no doubt).

So I feigned acquiescence by providing one of the creative addresses I come up with for these people and for my own amusement, assuming that they would get my point. This time I said:

“Sure! Go ahead and send them to yourmotherisawhore@closetfreak.com”

Would you believe he wrote back “sent”?