I met Jonathan somewhere online when he first moved to New York City around 2001. He was immediately engaging on several levels, including intellectually. We both really liked each other and became friends, reasoning that our age difference was probably too big to seriously consider dating, although we would both end up dating people with a broader age range as the years went on. The important thing is that we always remained friends.

When I first met him I was living in Park Slope, Brooklyn and he was on Roosevelt Island, of all places. He was originally from Iowa but moved to Chicago for a while. He worked in accounting/bookkeeping and always seemed to be advancing and making pretty good money doing payroll in the entertainment industry. At least that was the best that I could surmise. Years later he would do the bookkeeping for my own business, Ursinet. He really knew his stuff!

He later informed me that he had found a roommate situation about three blocks from me in Brooklyn, which was thrilling. I don’t know if I was part of his incentive to move to that hip area, but it certainly facilitated our hanging out more and seeing each other all the time. He actually moved into the apartment immediately above the restaurant my daughter and I loved most on a quiet street, so we often met to eat there.

He seemed very comfortable with travel, having gone to visit his friend Chris in Ireland a number of times, and with his German language. We spent time as friends going to New Hope, Pennsylvania, hanging out in New York City and he always had interesting stories to tell, including the time when he was on a reality TV show where he dated a guy. I never got to see it, but I found his description of that date and some of the other ones he went on, very entertaining. One time in particular he told me about this guy who blogged about his excitement in anticipation of dating Jonathan and then, despite what Jonathan described as an objectively interesting and stimulating date, continued blogging almost immediately after his disappointment, seemingly for sympathy and click bait (long before that term was coined). Jonathan immediately left comments on the blog to the surprise of the blogger and then the drama ensued.

Jonathan visited me a few times after I moved back to California because he was good at staying in touch. He would stay with me when he visited. When he told me of his intention to move out to San Francisco himself, I was thrilled. It was great to spend time with him about once a month or so these past ten years or so. I know he really appreciated a lot about living on the West Coast and that he was professionally thriving in a city where it can be a challenge just to stay afloat. In a way, it was very flattering that he kind of moved to my area TWICE, but that’s how good a friend he was.

Unfortunately, some of his interactions with others were less than optimal. I’m sure Jonathan had plenty of drama in his life over the years. I saw him in what I considered healthy, productive relationships and some that left him emotionally drained. I know Jonathan always tried to send me information about some of the physical and mental health challenges he had. I could go back and look those articles up, but the sad point is that he ended up dying at the age of 45. I do not know the details, but the most objective description from his mother that I saw a copy of in her own writing was that he was “found dead in San Francisco” despite my last working communication with him is a claim that he was on a train back to Iowa via Chicago. I have no idea if that trip actually manifested, but his memorial services did take place in Iowa.

To make his passing so young even sadder, his older brother apparently died within ten days of him. I’m also not sure of those circumstances.

Some of the speculations about Jonathan have run amuck, with at least one person attempting to rewrite history. Fortunately, that person has very little credibility and has been blocked from communicating with me further after callously informing me of the death, which I had to research to prove to myself subsequently. Jonathan was only a few weeks past his 45th birthday when he died on October 27, 2022. There is no evidence that he intentionally committed suicide even though some may claim that.

I lost far too many good friends at a young age without much explanation, and I sometimes feel helpless. I have tried to help to a great extent (as I did with Tony Perri) as some of you (including Jonathan) witnessed, but while I don’t know exactly what went wrong here, I do know that some people genuinely cared for Jonathan and others took a hand in any level of self-destructive behavior that he may have had. My solace is that at least my home was a sanctuary and a refuge for Jonathan over the years, and I remember him telling me how safe he felt when he was in my presence. I wish he realized that he deserved that sense of safety and security all the time.