Category Archives: Parenting

Activism, Gay, Parenting, Politics

Italian Homophobia Perserveres

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I cannot help but speak out about the escalating homophobia in my mother’s home country of Italy (and where some of my father’s ancestors are from). The aspiring fascist prime minister there is trying to earn political points by stripping away lesbian mothers of their rights and legally breaking apart families. As a Board alum of six years, I reached out to FamilyEquality.org with my outrage as an Italo-American still eligible for dual citizenship and how this is clearly violative of the European Union’s higher courts, which I hope step in. Giorgia Meloni is making examples of some lesbian mothers by literally removing their names from birth certificates based on the non-biological ties to their own children. Now they are working on criminalizing surrogacy, just to round out the homophobia.

I constantly remind people that the equivalent of Italy’s founding fathers are both GAY – Leonardo Da Vinci and Michaelangelo, not to mention countless other Renaissance pillars, popes, etc.

This is exactly the kind of underhanded bigotry that we are still fighting against in what should be a modern world. As a gay parent, I am appalled, but very pleased that Family Equality Executive Director Stacey Stevenson replied to my pleas for the organization to make an official statement, which they have now done. This is a perfect response to these troubling developments:

Family Equality Condemns Rising Anti-LGBTQ+ Legislation in Italy Targeting LGBTQ+ Parents and Families

August 11, 2023

Soon after prime minister Giorgia Meloni issued a public order removing the names of nonbiological LGBTQ+ parents from their children’s birth certificates, the Italian parliament approved a bill that criminalized surrogacy abroad.

Washington, D.C. — Family Equality, the leading national organization for current and future LGBTQ+ families in America, condemns recent actions taken by the Italian government to undermine and diminish the rights of LGBTQ+ parents and families, including removing nonbiological LGBTQ+ parents from birth certificates and, more recently, approving a bill that would criminalize surrogacy abroad. 

With surrogacy and other reproductive medical treatments like IVF already prohibited for LGBTQ+ couples in Italy, this legislation not only denies LGBTQ+ people the opportunity to start their family — it threatens to put prospective parents in jail for even trying. The measure, which passed in the chamber of deputies with 166 votes in support, needs approval by the Italian senate before being passed into law. 

“Everyone deserves the opportunity to experience the unconditional joy and belonging of family, no matter who you love or where you live,” said Family Equality CEO, Stacey Stevenson. “What we’re seeing from the top elected officials in Italy is unconscionable. And yet, these actions reflect what we’re seeing outside our own front door, as politicians and pundits alike spout dangerous anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric instead of focusing on passing legislation that keeps us all safe, healthy, and protected. To the LGBTQ+ families in Italy, know that we stand in solidarity with you and will fight with our partners in this international community to preserve your fundamental right to find and form family.” 

Activism, Gay, Parenting

Italy and the EU

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Shame on Italy. The gay news reports that some lesbian mothers are having their names removed from their children’s birth certificates to exercise their homophobic power.

Italy is my mother’s home country, where most of my relatives continue to live. The country may be risking a court overruling from the EU with this outrageous act of homophobia. I fought for years as part of what is now called FamilyEquality.org to make sure this kind of family destruction was not sanctioned by the United States in certain backward states.  Now EU member countries are trying to push the envelope and reverse all the progress Europe has made toward recognizing all types of families.

I wrote Family Equality hoping they make a statement condemning what Italy is doing and how the EU should respond.   As an Emeritus Board contact (with the honor of being listed on their website) and especially as an Italo-American, I am outraged to my core. 

The organization was known as Gay & Lesbian Parents Coalition INTERNATIONAL (GLPCI) when I was on the Board between 1996-2001.  While I’m glad they no longer have a trans-exclusive name, I do remember at our conferences having parents from other countries who wanted to see how the USA was securing rights for queer families like ours. 

Parenting, Politics

White Supremacist Shot by Ten Year Old Son

This story gets crazier by the day.  This “up and coming” Nazi (there’s nothing “neo” about them) in southern California gave his child his own gun.  Within 24 hours that son had killed his father with it.  I cannot imagine someone filled with so much hate or vitriol being a good father to anyone, but this is where the story gets really outrageous.  While I don’t know the condition of the mother of this boy, or how many of the five children in the house were from Nazi Jeff Hall’s first wife, at one point in time some judge, presumably in the family court system, awarded custody to this openly racist, race-baiting trash of a father!! I’m all for father’s getting fair treatment when it comes to determining the best interest of the child, as I was fortunate enough to have primary custody of my daughter throughout her rearing, but I can’t help but be reminded of the case in Florida where the woman lost custody of her daughter for being lesbian to her ex-husband, who was convicted of murder and child molestation!

Daughter, Parenting, Photos

Proud father of a working daughter with a car!!!

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I’m so proud of Alexandra!!!

Soon after her 18th birthday in April she had taken her written and behind the wheel driver’s tests and passed both with her first try.

In June she graduated from Castro Valley High School.

By the time she graduated, she had secured a summer job as a paid intern at Camp Galileo in Oakland.  After acclimating to what a “real” commute was like, she probably appreciated me a bit more, and she ended up loving her job there, getting an extension for a few weeks to what her original work schedule was supposed to be.  She loved working with the kids and the professional educators, who gave her glowing recommendations.

She registered for community college in Oakland and got her classes.  She will be taking 14 credits, which is full time, and so she started looking for a permanent part-time job.

Last week she interviewed for a couple of jobs in San Francisco and Berkeley, but she had been hounding me and nagging about needing a car, even though I was not all that convinced she “needed” one and that it was not my fault that she had chosen a college that was harder to reach with public transportation.  Understandably she was a little concerned about whether it would be safe for her to finish class at 9pm once a week and take public transportation home.

So on a whim Saturday, we went to a few of the places where she noticed there were cheaper cars off the main strip by our house.  We found a “wholesale” place where none of the cars had any Carfax reports available, but we realized that what we were budgeting, there was probably no use in trying to find a top of the line used car, which is what I consider the one I have to be.

Sunday we went back to look at the car that had intrigued us the most, and the nice saleslady walked us through the steps.

I made some financial sacrifices to buy her something, even though she was between jobs and we had no assurance that she would have any income in the coming months.  I was also worried that she was being too picky about the kind of jobs she wanted and wasn’t looking locally enough.  After consulting with a few friends and family members, like my brother, we decided that the car was a worthwhile investment.  So Alex is now the very happy owner of a 2004 Mitsubishi Lancer ES, a car which is actually newer than mine, even though it has more miles than mine does.  It seems to be very safe and in pretty darn good condition and Alex is elated and feels quite grown up with this new responsibility.

One day later (today), Alex heard back and she actually got the job she wanted the most!  She will be working as an activity leader Monday through Friday in the afternoons for the entire academic year at Rosa Parks Elementary School in Berkeley with kindergarteners.  This is a shorter and cheaper commute than she would have into San Francisco, and she is making more than she would be at that job.  She is also considering taking a weekend job with some of her subsequent interviews, since that won’t conflict with her classes or primary job.

Next summer she is also hoping that the summer camp that she worked at this summer will higher her back at a position with more responsibility, so for the foreseeable future, she is very well prepared for the future, and I can’t contain how proud I am of her, even if we are both paying through the nose for the convenience of having a two car household at the moment.

Parenting, Politics

Freaky Laura Schlessinger still has a show?

What kind of morons would want her advice?  Doesn’t anybody remember the outrageous and ridiculously out of date opinions this woman has?  She’s worse than Rush Limbaugh in many respects because she’s actually formally educated (he is not) and she uses religion to tout her hatred.  This scandal has gotten her name back in the news, so she got her way again.

Reportedly, after discussing and using the word “nigger” numerous times with a black woman who called her show distraught over racism in her own home, Laura told the woman that she should not be married to a white man inter-racially if she “didn’t have a sense of humor about race”!  As a white man who was married to a black woman who I was with for 11 years, I don’t think flippantly using highly offensive words as jokes makes it easier.  Would it be okay if Laura’s gentile friends and loved ones go around saying “kike this” or “Heeb that” to her or used “jew” as a verb?  Words like “nigger” were not acceptable during the course of my relationship or at any time in my life, thankfully.  I never even considered using it in any context.  I don’t accept anyone else in my family using it, even if they are black or mixed-race like my daughter.

The only laughter that I ever had about race that I can recall was when I would ask my ex-wife to do something for me and she would look at me and say, “Do I look like a slave?” or when I was dating a black guy and I went to a 50’s diner with my daughter and him and joked that we shouldn’t be sitting in the same area (as per the MadTV skit).

http://abolishthenword.com/

Bears, Daughter, Gay, Memoriam, Parenting

RIP Gene Baugh

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You were my friend with whom I had so much in common for so many years. You were a rock. I can’t believe this.

Just got terrible news about losing one of my closest gaydad friends in the world, Gene Baugh, in Columbus, who raised his five kids.  I read his autobiography, although I don’t think it was ever published.  He was a huge fan of the Spanish language and had spent time in Spain in his youth.  I flew to Columbus to be in his marriage to a man in 1998, and he and I also spent time together at various gay parenting conventions around the country.  We originally met in 1996 in Minneapolis and stayed in touch quite regularly the whole time, sharing the drama of our kids and our lives before and after coming out.  He was only 56, and a big bear of a man (also very tall).

His daughter, Ruth, who lives on the West Coast now, as I do, went with my daughter and me to our first Provincetown Family Week.  Ruth and I recently got back in touch with each other and today she emailed me with the news that he had been taken off life support as he had requested be done if he should ever be in this state.  He had a stroke on Friday.

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Daughter, Diabetes, Family, Parenting

Today I started walking 4 miles a day back and forth to BART

Some of the trip is uphill, so hopefully it won’t be too hard walking home for me.  I traveling light with my briefcase, but it does hurt my shoulder after a while.  If I do this, I will be walking well over 20 miles a week, which hopefully will net a significant, healthy weight loss.  While I don’t officially get to wear tennis shoes at work, I have a pair of dress shoes if I need them to change into, and I can’t imagine walking in anything else.

Despite originally protesting, Alex walked with me to her school and I even caught the early train.  I’m hoping this will significantly improve health/blood sugar.

If the timing and discomfort of walking becomes ridiculous, I might buy a bike and a heavy-duty chain, but right now I’m saving money on that and the one dollar a day parking fee.   I don’t even know how long we will live at this location, so this is not the time to make such large investments.

Yesterday after I returned from IBR from the long weekend, Alex and I did a ton of grocery shopping and got a lot of healthy food, which of course is more expensive.  We went to Safeway and I used my discount card, but before going there, we got some basic canned goods at the dollar store near Mom’s house in southern Hayward.  We got to see Nicholas and my brother finally fixed my windshield wipers, which was something that was scary not to have fully functioning on the Nissan when it rained, but of course now it probably won’t rain until next year.  It was nice seeing Mom and having lunch there after not seeing her for about a month while she was in Florida.

Parenting, Politics

HBO Documentaries on Chinese Earthquake and Family Diversity

Both of them made me cry for different reasons.  I was very glad to see poor, rural Chinese citizens distraught over losing their children speak up about the shoddy construction (citing specific examples of there being no mortar between the bricks and small wires for large walls), including cursing at the Party leaders who were trying to stop a demonstration.  Some things don’t need translation, but what made this even more painful to watch is the one child policy that China has, which means that the likelihood that many of these parents who lost kids in the schools that crumbled while other buildings remained upright are probably unable to have any other kids either because of forced sterilization or because they are beyond child-bearing years.

I had seen Rosie O’Donnell interviewed about her family diversity documentary, which I thought as pretty well done.  Rosie is never shy about showing herself raw, and this is sort of what she looked like when I met her in person.  When I was on her show, though, I did not meet her.