Giuseppina Benenati Hayden (1942-2016)

Fuck Cancer!  Ovarian cancer in particular is an insidious and sneaky disease.  Her grandmother (my great-grandmother) had died of it when she was 52, but I didn’t think my mother (a health nut) would be vulnerable to getting it even at 73.  Mom was in ICU for almost a month and I was there once or twice a day hoping for the little miracles that ended up not helping her to go back to any kind of life she was used to.  Life is so unfair, but I am grateful that at least the last several months of her life Mom lived with me due to completely unrelated circumstances of the fire at her house.  Shando and I were able to keep a close eye on her with my siblings, particularly since my brother and nephew also moved in with us.  Fortunately we had the space.  It was a roller coaster since she was diagnosed only weeks after the fire, but we were at least hoping that she would have a normal life for several more years when we first heard about this.  Instead she had to go to the hospital twice and her little body just couldn’t overcome all of the ways that the chemo related infection and cancer were attacking her organs.  I know she knows we loved her (she was able to nod her head and hear us almost the entire time she was in ICU) and I’m glad I was there holding her hand and promising her my siblings and I would be taking care of each other when she died.  She deserved a longer life, but at least we made her death as dignified as possible.

Uncle Danny (October 13, 1950 – July 12, 2011), was a guy (and pretty close relative) with whom I had a lot in common.  He and I loved that we could share so much with each other of our interests in many areas.  We often shared musical interest stories and he encouraged my strong appreciation for people like Barbra Streisand (although he was more of an Elvis fan, of course).  We also exchanged many technology ideas for our web sites.  We both were divorced fathers of females.  We had both lived in Italy, spoke Italian, loved Italian culture and found common ground on many subjects.  I was so glad that I got to spend time with him during both my trips to Arizona last year and on and off during the years before-hand when he was living in the San Francisco Bay Area, where I have returned to.  He was a great tour-guide and brought me to tears with his wonderful voice and singing ability.

In addition to the visits, we kept in touch regularly with Skype and emails especially in recent years.  It warmed my heart, and my mother’s, that he was a part of the father that I had lost when I was 22.  He loved and looked up to my dad so much.  It bonded us emotionally to realize how prematurely we had lost my father at the age of fifty.  Life just doesn’t seem fair.  I know Dad was very proud of how musical Uncle Danny was, and that they were both thrilled to have been stationed in Italy at the same time, and spent time together there.  My Mom (who is from Italy) was extremely touched that Dan was around in chat on Skype and yahoo with her.

Dan was really the last person who could fill in some of the blanks about my father even though my grandmother didn’t raise them together.  Dan always gave me as much information as he could, toward that end.  Even though I was the one who gave my little sister, Sabina, away at her wedding years ago, as my father was already dead for so many years, Dan was there in attendance at her wedding, which was wonderful to know, as he was the only piece of my father that could have been present at that time.

I will definitely miss having Uncle Danny to reach out to at a moment’s notice.  I have many good memories, including surprising him with a call on Thanksgiving Day one year, just because I wanted him to know that he was thought of often, especially during the holiday season.  Not only with my genealogical interests, but with the ongoing family challenges we have had, he helped me grasp a sense of an extended family that was trying to cling together to stay in touch, despite many years of being out of the loop with each other.

There are so many tentacles of our family that I’ve tried to piece together, as people in our family know.  I hope going forward we will continue to become closer, despite his absence.  I know that I will personally miss having that gentle man and close relative on my father’s side to connect with, who was always looking to spread around kindness and good karma.

Click here for his memorial page on Hug Angel, Inc.